Bed Bugs Attack!

Picture thanks to: http://www.bedbugsguide.com

 

You may not know this, but we are in the middle of a Bedbug crises! In the past few years, bedbugs have increased in population by 500 percent. First they struck Ganon, then North Carolina, and now the majority of Ohio! Much like drugs, terrorism and poverty, the United States may just declare a war on bedbugs.

Seriously? Aren’t bedbugs long gone by now?

That’s what a dummy would say. Here’s what you’d tell the dummy:

Over the past 50 years the EPA has pulled dangerous chemicals used for eradicating thing slike cockroaches and bedbugs (like DDT) off the shelves. 

“This is a worldwide resurgence,” said Dini Miller, an entomologist and bedbug expert at Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University, who until 2001 only saw bedbugs on microscope slides dating from the 1950s. Now she gets calls several times a day from people who are often at their wits end dealing with the problem.

“I can’t tell you how many people have spent the night in their bath tubs because they are so freaked out by bedbugs,” Miller said. “I get these people over the phone that have lost their marbles.”

Says MSNBC.

 

Why would I be worried? I live in Edinboro (or the surrounding area)…

Why, what a silly question. Ganon, Ohio and Wheeling  aren’t that far away. Not to mention, northwestern Pennsylvania has it’s fair share of universities, hospitals and such.

A lot of people travel to Edinboro for soccer, right? Right. How well do you trust the staff at the Edinboro Inn, Cloverleaf, or Comfort Suites (*shrug*) to carefully inspect every mattress and such? 

Even four-star hotels can have bedbug problems, she said: “Bedbugs aren’t associated with filth or poverty. They can hitchhike anywhere.”

 

Where can you look (right away!) to see if you have these buggers?

• Pipes, boards and tiny crevices
• Mattress seams and interiors
• Bedframes
• Furniture near the bed 
• Carpeting and baseboards
• Inner walls, tiny wood holes

They can (and will) travel sometimes over 100 feet to feed.

 

 

Thanks to http://bedzine.com/ for the picture

 

 

So what, I have bedbugs, who cares?

I care, and you should too. You’re really going to risk leaving your life in the hands of these six-legged beasts?! Surely, you must be a goddamn madman.

Shake your head and laugh, dismiss the dangers of bedbug-ism as “just pesky insects that make you itchy”. 

can only carry live disease, such as HIV, for up to an hour on its mouth parts so is not well know for passing disease in the modern world. And adult bedbugs can survive up to one year without feeding on blood, so their survivorship of hard times is quite amazing.

Did you read that? Did you READ THAT?! These little monsters can give you HIV and other live diseases!! 

 

“The bed bugs have a tendency to climb the walls, move across the ceilings and drop on you,” he said.

Know anyone who sleeps with their mouth open? Hug them, kiss them, and cherish every precious moment you spend with them. These Cimicidae terrorists are out to kill you, your family, and your friends. 

 

Sidenote: They eat bats. You wanna mess with something that eats bats?

 

Thanks to http://bedbugbitepictures.com/ for the picture. Gosh, theres a lot of sites dedicated to these guys

 

 

You’re going to die. A Bedbug will kill you.

Lets review, shall we?

 

Looks like you scored yourself a new client!

You wake up for work. You yawn, stretch, brush your teeth, get your hair ready and jump in your car.

BIG business meeting today! Gotta impress the new clients, shake all of their hands, introduce yourself politely and make a great impression on everyone. You feel great about yourself and head on home to enjoy the rest of the night.

You’re sitting in front of the TV admiring how cute Wayne Brady is, and you can remember EVERY lyric. You treat yourself to some ice cream and head for bed.

While you’re sleeping, a small critter is scampering out of your dirty socks. Up the bedpost, across to the wall, and up to the ceiling. 

Did I mention you snore? Of course you do. You open your mouth to take a big-ass snore, and the bedbug falls right into your throat. No big deal, you’re asleep. Don’t spiders crawl into your mouth seven times a year or something? Those guys have EIGHT legs, so how bad could THIS be?

You wake up in the morning and kiss your kids and wife goodbye. Thankfully, today is your one day off. You sure work hard.

Oops. Clients dead. You suck.

Unknown to you, you have HIV. Yep. You have no idea, but you’re HIV positive. Douchebag.

Did I mention that bedbug that jumped in your mouth last night was carrying eggs? Yep, they hatched in your mouth and you planted some bedbug colonies HIV positive in your wife and kids mouths. 

Now by the end of the day your wife is infected and sickly, and your kids can no longer be curious as to why you kiss them open-mouthed, because they’re lying on their goddamn death bed.

Day 2:

You’re dead and you killed your family.

 

Good luck surviving, Edinboro.